The Unexpected Questionnaire

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November 12th, 2011 I      sprinted >>>>> through the t                nstile    u      r d o w n the escalator and >>>> straight to the platform only to witness <<<<<<< The E Train going the complete opposite way Sonofabtich. And I was distraught for 2 reasons: 1. Um. The … Continue reading

Relationship Mathematics

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September 12th, 2012 “Heyyy! Omg how are you? Man…I haven’t seen you in forever! Are you still with that (guy/girl)? Oh shit. I’m sorry…I didn’t know. How long were you guys together?” Rewind. It had been a while since I had seen Leah. My definition of a while being like 1 2 3 weeks. Which … Continue reading

Ben Folds, Spiderman, And A Telegram

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September 14th 2012 So this one time. I was going to take a night in and relax or whatever. And then, I didn’t. Rewind. “Oh for sure! Yes, yes. Girls night sounds like a spicy ass time. I’ll bring the cheetos. Uh huh. Yeah. No you can pick whatever movie. I don’t cry during chick … Continue reading

The Mysterious Tongue Scare

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December 31st 2011 Buzz. Buzz. You have a new text message. A friend confirming plans, maybe? Witty banter with a co-worker perhaps? Good old-fashioned sext? …Mom? Surprise: Now, after laughing uncontrollably for 3 days…straight. And spending another 2 1/2 days recuperating. I got to thinking. What kind of sick and twisted tongue scenario was so … Continue reading

My Snack On The Italian Swiss Alps

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November 6th, 2009 Today was the day. Every day for the last 1 2 3 months I cautiously stroked precise “x” marks over each calendar square, counting d o w n the days that slowly approached this day, this day right here. I’d been living in Spain as a foreign exchange student and traveling to … Continue reading

This Is Not Your Room

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August 24th 2007 It was the third day of college and I was all giddy and shit to get my college experience poppin with the first day of school. And after an exhausting and unwelcomed day chock-full of orientations and bonding activities, I was finally feeling like a real adult. I hOPped into bed, my … Continue reading

Your Hat Is Inspirational

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The air was crisp, the birds were singing, my pace was brisk, and Suddenly. Out of the corner of my eye << I spotted an old woman…with a walker…  >>> surpassing me. No. Distraught and impressed, I immediately began to compose a tweet about the amazing/upsetting phenomena that was unraveling before my very eyes …until … Continue reading

You’re Dancing All Wrong

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August 23 2012 You’re dancing all wrong. Hasn’t anyone every told you that to ever be in a successful relationship, fling, interest, anything, that there are certain dance steps you should be taking? No? Well. …This makes sense… You’re welcome for the following guidelines. Mis-step and you’ll be sorry. You got that? Are you listening? … Continue reading