18 Pick Up Lines That May Or May Not Work

April 9th 2013

So there you are.

.

You’re sittin. You’re chillin. You’re drunk. You’re sober. WHATEVER.

.

But either way.

.

You’re lookin good.

.

No no.

.

You’re lookin DAMN good.

.

And suddenly.

.

Some trick from

.

Left field

.

Slowly makes their way

.

In your direction

.

They stop.

.

You exchange deep words.

.

“What’s up”                                                    “What’s up”

.

.

And eventually things start going incredibly…mediocre and an absurd amount of awkward silence decides to show up and

break                         up

the damn party. You need to say something. YOU NEED TO SAY SOMETHING NOW. Whether you want them to stay or you want them to bounce. Something needs to be goddamn said.

.

Cue in Olive.

.

I got you. WE CAN HANDLE THIS SHIT. Why? Because I created a list. Of lines. Pick up lines. Pre-tested pick up lines. Collected by my weird friends and I. In case you too find yourself in a substantially unexpected love approach, and you too need a small friend on your shoulder named Olive who says “THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE THE RIGHT THING TO SAY BUT HOLY SHIT THIS IS GETTING SO AWKWARD SO JUST FUCKING SAY THIS – “

.

Aka:

18 Pick Up Lines That May Or May Not Work

Disclaimer: Olive The People is not responsible for any hand slaps, disgusted looks, loss of respect, people pretending to not know you or any sort of failure that may or may not occur when the following advice is executed in any sort of way. That being said, if you win, a personalized tequila basket with a side of french fries is not only encouraged, but absolutely mandatory.

.

So there you are.

.

You’re sittin. You’re chillin. You’re drunk. You’re sober. WHATEVER.

.

But either way.

.

You’re lookin good.

.

No no.

.

You’re lookin DAMN good.

.

Shit’s already gotten awkward. And you need to say something. YOU NEED TO SAY SOMETHING NOW:

.

Action.

.

1. Put right hand over right eye. Keep the other open.  Then say “Hey, I don’t have any depth perception, so as far as I know, you and I are already pretty damn close”

image.png

Practically siblings.

.

2. “Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!”

Your ass = Not here.

Your ass = Not here.

.

3. “I like dogs, but I’m like a cat because I expect to be pet and fed…But I’m not returning that shit.”

10-of-the-best-grumpy-cat-memes

.

 4. “I like my women like I like my cats…hairless”

Perfect.

Perfect.

.

5. “I like my men like I like my coffee….silent”

Perfect.

Perfect.

.

6. “Soo… if your right leg was Thanksgiving…And your left leg was Christmas…Can we meet between the holidays?”
...Am I late?

…Am I too late?

.

7. “You look like trash…can I take you out?”

Pick you up Saturday? 2 a.m.?

Pick you up Saturday? 2 a.m.?

.

8. “Our long term relationship starts (look at watch)….now.”

.

9. “Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”

.

10. “Wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I’ll owe you one?”

.

11. “Do you know the difference between a boner and a burrito?…You’re not giving me a burrito right now.”

This = Not happening.

This = Not happening.

.
.
12.”My watch tells me you’re not wearing any panties..
       Wait. It’s wrong. I am.
       Hmmm, it must be fast (adjusts watch)”
.
.
13. “Hey wanna come back to my place and re-enact a rape scene?”
       “What? No!”
        “That’s the spirit.”
Look we're agreeing already.

Look we’re agreeing already.

.
.
.
14. “You’re ugly but…you intrigue me…”
Intriguing...

Intriguing…

.
.
.
 
15. “Tonight’s forecast? Shame, with a chance of whiskey dick.”
Thanks, asshole.

Thanks, asshole.

.
.
.
16. “I like women like I like peanut butter…chunky.
Soo..yeah you’re lookin pretty good right now. 😉 “
Hottie.

Hottie.

.
.
17. “Do you have any raisins?…No? No raisins? Hmmm. Anyway do wanna make out?”
.
18. “I’d pee in your butt.” ( << actually happened)
.
.
So there you have it. My illogical recommendations for conversation fillers that will either give you an epic score, or straight up won’t.  And if all else fails. Just do this:
.
homer simpson kiss
.
.
.
P.S. You owe me tequila and fries
.
.
.
P.P.S. Shout out to Brandon, Charlie, Kate, Ali, Bentley Cooper, Alex, Chelsea for your reliably weird contributions.
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