When You Cut Someone Out Of Your Life

January 5th 2012

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She had one extra ticket.

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For a movie screening in downtown Manhattan. She kept one for herself. And she offered the extra one to me.

I said yes.

I met Leah at the corner of Houston and  E

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At approximately 7:15 pm. “It’s called Sunshine Cinemas” she said. “I’m jumping on the subway now, and I’ll see you soon.”

large

See you soon.

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She was perfectly on time. She usually was. And I trailed in 2 minutes too late. Like I usually did. She handed me my free ticket when she saw me. And also a voucher that said “Good for one free popcorn. And one free drink.”

Proof.

Thanks.

We walked inside and claimed our complimentary treats. And I watched as she nervously shuffled for napkins and scanned the counter for straws. And it was then I could tell that we had made a silent agreement to keep our minds distracted from the unexpected news she had heard the night before.

About the person she cut out of her life a long time ago. And how she always cared that he wasn’t around anymore. But not as much as she did today.

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She finally retrieved both the napkin and the straws. And we filed into the movie theater ready to choose our velvet seating of choice.

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We sat near the center. But a little to the right

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photo-25

We placed our cups in their respective holders.

And she held my popcorn as I

 u n b u t t o n e d     my coat.

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Eventually I broke our silent agreement

And asked her if she was okay.

But our conversation was interrupted.

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By the dimming lights and the glowing screen.

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The movie was painfully familiar.

Chock full of graphic sex scenes, nostalgic songs and the idea of infinite love.

And each one of these glowing scenes would  light up the theater and reflect off of her face. A face that was relatively stoic. Only showcasing a hint of nostalgia, and a small side of regret. And I guess it was then that I realized this hope of distraction, wasn’t exactly going according to plan.

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The final scene was signaled

by

a

stream

of

rolling

credits

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I   b-u-t-t-o-n-e-d  up my coat, cRiNkLed the left over bag of popcorn in my hands and sipped on the remnants of my complimentary drink. I stood up to leave

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But when I looked back at our off-center seating

She was still sitting there

Staring at the screen

Drink still in the holder

Bag still uNcRiNkLeD at her feet

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So I sat down too.

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I didn’t want to ask her.

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But she said it first anyway.

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She said.

“You know, Olive. That sucked a lot more than I thought it would. Watching that movie, I mean.”

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“…Did it make you think about it?”

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“Yes.”

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“I figured it might.”

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“Made me think about all of it. Him. Her…Them.”

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 II  She paused II 

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And then continued. >

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“The thing is we haven’t talked in a long time. A long, long time. But I guess what I got accustomed to, was my life without him. But not necessarily his life without me. That I was okay without him. Not at first. But eventually I was. That I could eventually replace him, or have some flings to mimic him and ultimately move away from it all. And now that he’s found someone else. A new me. I guess I never really thought about him doing that too. And I guess I just kind of forgot that

Moving on was a two person job.

Is that weird?”

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“No”

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“Who do you think leaned in first?”

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“What do you mean?”

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“The first time they kissed. Who do you think leaned in first. Him or her?”

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“I’m not sure. Maybe her?”

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“You know that song they played in the rolling credits?”

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“Yeah.”

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“That was our song.

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“Oh.”

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“Do you think he thinks about me when he hears that song too?”

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“Absolutely.”

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“Maybe you’re right.”

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“I am.”

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“Olive, do you ever think it’s strange that the people we end up cutting out of our lives, or the ones that cut us out of theirs…were once the absolute opposite? Regardless of the reason, isn’t it so strange that before any of it happens, their existence was entirely too practical. Entirely too necessary. And entirely too easy. And then things change.

And suddenly they’re the person that makes you feel the absolute definition of desperation and defeat.

It’s like you’re holding their hand, but they’re hands are made of fucking fire. But you don’t let go of them. Even though it kind of burns, because it never used to hurt. Keeping them around, I mean. But then eventually it becomes too much. And you have to let go, because realistically, burning doesn’t really feel so good. Not at all. So  you do it. You let go. And you walk away. And you heal. In some way. And some of us go back. Just to see if it doesn’t burn anymore. Only because it never used to.

In fact.

It used to feel pretty great.

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But not all of us go back.

In fact, most of us…attempt to eliminate that option entirely…why do you think that is? Do you…do you think he’s forgotten about me?”

.

And I remember telling her. In the empty movie theater. As we

Watched

the

rolling

credits

continue 

to

scroll

through

the 

screen

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That.

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No human is immune to nostalgia.

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That the entire conversation we just had would never be heard by him. And her initial reaction to his new girlfriend was never recorded. That every memory trigger she involuntarily felt whether it was the smell of the a business man in an elevator wearing his same cologne, or an old letter shoved under a bed only to be reread during spring cleaning.

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Would never be known.

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At least not to him.

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And up until now,

She was blind to his unrecorded nostalgia as well. 

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And then I remember asking her why she cut him out in the first place. And she told me that their relationship was becoming entirely too toxic. That suddenly her self-worth and her self-respect would rest on his responses, and hoping for the way things used to be was becoming entirely too exhausting. That he was once the person that made her feel like the best version of herself.

And suddenly she found herself turning into a version that was virtually unrecognizable.

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So she cut him out. An action deemed heartless and cold.

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Masking the real definition of “seemingly necessary and always with reason.”

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Complete with the warning label:

Physically erasing someone doesn’t mean emotional erasing as well.

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And it never will.

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But it sure seems that way. And it probably feels that way too.

But if you were to think about it, if you were to really really think about it. Your presence, existence and overall character were so powerful and so important, that even 10 years later you could make their heart drop the minute you walked into a room.

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Or make them sit in an empty movie theater with a friend.

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Asking that friend if you even give a damn.

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Even though we both know you do. And they do too.

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And the thing is. It doesn’t make us bad people for cutting people out. And it doesn’t make us bad people for being cut out either. It’s a human response to defending our pride and kick-starting the necessary. And never to forget

It’s an emotional decision, not a business one.

 And maybe, just maybe,their cameo in your life…really was designated for that allotted amount of time. Or maybe, just maybe it really was meant to be broken up

into                         two.

And regardless if  they come back into their life, or you go back into theirs, or no one comes back at all, to remember that it all happened for a reason. And probably a damn good one at that.

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And how beautifully unreliable or incredibly stable that reason can really be.

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Because when you cut someone out of your life, or someone cuts you out of theirs, it always seems to fall into one of three categories:

A. For the better

B. Never permanent

C. All of the above

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448 responses

  1. This reminds me of a thought I had the other day. I was thinking, how is it that the people that we date are the ones that we love the most, but when we break up, sometimes they become our worst enemies. How does that happen so quickly? It is just so crazy that it happens and all the time.

  2. This post made me think of a very good friend who cut me out of her life years ago. It’s sad that we used to spend all our free time together and now we haven’t spoken for years. Great post, well written.

    • I’m so glad you said this. Cutting people out of our lives, vice versa, is definitely not exclusive to romance, but all different types of relationships as well. I know this feeling all too well, but recognize all the unexpected good that came out of it. But yes, sad nonetheless. Thanks for reading, commenting and complimenting!

      • As I was reading your very well written post, I was thinking of friends. Recently, I remember having a heated discussion with the person I thought was my best friend. We got to a point in that discussion and I thought to myself, ” there is nothing I can do or say to make this okay again EVER, I have no choice but to walk away”. Months later, I realized I cut her out of my life because I no longer needed people to tell me how to live my life, I was doing very well on my own.

      • Hey, how awesome is it that we can look back on such an emotionally heavy and scary decision and know that we made the right decision. It’s a pretty good feeling to trust yourself and your instincts isn’t it? I hope all is well with you (: Thank you for reading!!

  3. I can so relate to this post on so many levels. It has been four years since my oldest sister and the rest of my family cut me out of their lives just because I resigned from my position at work. (I worked for my oldest sister) This is a long story that I can tell you later, if you wish. But, not one day has passed in four years that I don’t think about them and all the fun I used to have with my oldest sister.

    • Oh wow. I can only imagine how much of an effect this has probably had on your life, and I applaud you for being so strong and finding happiness out of something so unexpected. Of course, I would love to hear your story. And I truly hope you are in a great place now and furthermore know that they think about you very often as well.

    • My that is really horrible, life is to short for anyone to be put through this. I know they should feel horrible also, I really think everyone involved in this wants to come forward and apologize for their childish selfish reasons. Just look at all these wasted years that in fact no one can kindle ever again, they all need to wake up, life is to short, life is to short, may this ends soon.

  4. Thank you for writting this,because it helps me, put myself inside a theater in my head and do a convo like this, it gotten stale and noisy , the feelings and the question, just sitting tucked away inside because they are often deemed “something we should just push under a rug and not ever mention”.

    • Hey! Absolutely. I started to notice that not only could I pull from my own personal experiences, but so many of my friends were going through this heart breaking experience as well. I hope you know you’re not alone! And even if these things are mentioned out loud, they’re definitely referenced internally many times by both parties.

  5. Very well written. I particularly like the part where you state this, “Physically erasing someone doesn’t mean emotional erasing as well.”
    Man, that strikes a heavy chord within myself!

    Thank you for sharing!
    🙂

    • Hey! So funny you say that, I remember saying that exact line to my friend in that movie theater that day, and striking a cord within myself as well! I guess it was something that her and I both realized at the same time, we just needed one of us to say it out loud. Thanks so much for reading. You’re awesome!

  6. Hi! I found your site through Freshly Pressed, read this story and immediately followed your blog. Great writing on a subject that I identified with right away. I look forward to reading more.

    • Brianne!

      So awesome. That’s exactly what I hoped this post would do. Relate such a common and heart wrenching experience with other awesome people like yourself. Thanks so much for stopping by and reading, and I can’t wait to write more for you (:

  7. thank you for comforting my bruised heart when i was almost forced to cut off my ex as i started weighing my pride and self worth according to his whims. it made me bitter and mean and sad and unhappy till one day i realised this is not the same person i once was and therefore i had to cut him off (actually, i cut me off from him).
    “It’s emotional decision, not a business one.” makes perfect sense.
    very powerful and overwhelming. congratulations on being freshly pressed. wish you well.

    • Hey!

      Comforting your bruised heart is exactly what I hoped this post would do. Although I didn’t mention it, I went through an experience incredibly similar to my friend’s and I sat down and wrote down the things she said to me and made this story so I could help myself, and others as well!

      It really is an emotional decision. It can seem so cold and so emotionless when decided and implemented but really, it’s probably the most emotional decision you could ever make.

      Thank you for your congratulations, hope you’re feeling just a little bit better and I’m so happy you stopped by to read (:

  8. Great post, beautifully written. Oddly, I just heard last week from a woman friend I’d cut from my life (or vice versa) about four or five years ago, telling me she has a show of her paintings in Manhattan, inviting me to the opening. I was thrilled for her and wrote back immediately to congratulate her and will miss the opening, as am currently out of town. But I was touched that she wanted to share that major success with me. Will we pick the friendship up again? I don’t know.

    The sad truth is that, beyond a failed romance, we do sometimes have to cut people out of our lives if they’re stuck in destructive patterns. How much energy can you spend/waste listening to the same tired tune?

    But then there’s the special pain of looking someone up after a few years or decades (there are a few boys who will always sear your heart, even if they were not mean to be The One)…and finding his obituary. That happened to me recently and made me deeply regretful I had cut him from my life as a friend.

    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

    • Wow, what incredibly serendipitous timing. I am very happy to hear that your friend reached out to you and I can promise you that she was just as happy to see your quick response!

      The thing is, I (like most) become incredibly emotionally attached to people, so much so that I overlook the damage they do to me emotionally time and time again before I can really go forth and realize what is best for myself, and it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way!

      Drawing that line of what is best for yourself really can change overtime though. It depends on the people, situation and emotions involved. I’m so sorry about your loss but I truly believe with all of my heart that your friend who passed away cared about you very very much.

      Thank you for your congratulations, and for stopping by to read (:

    • Hey!

      That’s actually one of the quotes that stuck out to me as well, and I think it’s because after I said it out loud to my friend that day, neither of us had really had the courage to believe it until it was actually said. Thank you so much for reading.

  9. AMAZING!!! Thank you so much for sharing this… I’m in the middle of something similar and lately I have been second guessing the choice… something he is really good at bringing out in me… this has really helped me to stand my ground… thank you 😀

    • Hey!!

      Absolutely! Thank you so much for reading! The thing is, I started realizing that not only did I go through this myself, but so many of my friends were experiencing the same thing, so I decided to share the conversation I had with my friend in hopes that it would help others realize that we all really are in the same boat. Stand your ground girl!

    • Hey!

      Nostalgia and people from our past absolutely linger in our lives. It becomes manageable with time and situation, but I do agree that we’ll always have a small portion of hearts allotted to missing them at least a little bit. Perfectly natural and human (:

  10. Excellent! Well written and catchy! I think it’s safe to say we’ve all been in a similar situation like this before and I agree with others, I think we’ll always (to an extent) remember the people who we’ve encountered throughout our lives.

    • Hello!

      I hope you know that this story was absolutely 100% true, so that chord that was struck? Was struck by my friend and I ourselves as we sat in that theater. So glad you enjoyed it and hoping it helped (:

  11. Well done. So, so well done.

    I’ve experienced this on a couple of different levels, one where the person did re-enter my life, and one where they never will again. It’s amazing the emotions and struggles you go through, and how you mention that it is entirely possible that person could have that same effect on you again, even when you think you’re over it. The complexity and extent of human emotion is amazing, and I feel like you laid it out in a way we could all easily understand.

    Congrats on Freshly Pressed. It’s extremely well-deserved.

    • Samantha what an incredible compliment and well-thought out response.

      These circumstances are always so situational and vary on the person and feeling at hand, but one thing that always serves as a basis is the high-emotion that is always involved.

      The crazy part is someone can absolutely have that effect on us even 10 years later, but, we can have that effect on them too!

      So awesome we’re on the same page with all of this and even more awesome that you stopped by to read. Thanks again (:

  12. This was a really good piece. I only planned on reading a little bit, ended up reading it all. I hope that if anyone is going through this that they find this post. It will help them for sure. Good job!

    • Hey! That’s probably because it feels really familiar to go through something like this. It’s incredible to see that I’m not the only one who has felt this before. You’re awesome for stopping by. Thank you so much!

  13. Wow. Thanks for that. Am feeling / have felt like that with several people, dated and friended. Very true. Often I think back to the conversation where my ex cut me out of his life. Frustrating, and yet, more than a decade later I can thank him for that solid line. Except when he tried to renew our friendship. Now I’m the one with “nope, never.”

    • I don’t think you realize how incredibly close to home this comment was to me. I experienced something extremely similar and it’s pretty awesome to really appreciate the heartbreak for what it is and realize how far you come, and the internal confidence and power you somehow attained along the way.

  14. This is pretty much my life, except that he never liked me back in the same way, but I loved him for 7 years, I was always there for him, always. I finally cut him out of my life after a crazy blow up and complete destruction of our friendship and I’ve been pulling out the barbs that he threw at me in the last few moments of it, nostalgia and pain flowing out from the wounds. I’m glad to know that there are more people like me who want to just forget and never have to deal with that person again, but that we all get smacked in the face with pain and memories. Although, I don’t think he will ever think of me anymore, but it’s not the same for me.
    Thank you for sharing.

    • Hey!

      Sounds to me like you know exactly what I’m talking about, if not more! You know, like I said in my post “No human is immune from nostalgia” and I truly believe that is the case, even for you. Whether or not it gives you peace to know that he still thinks about you, know that he doesn’t have to be the exception to the rule. Things like this are tough. So tough! But knowing we’re not alone, and realizing that the people on either side of the situation are just as human as one another, should bring some sort of comfort. It does for me at least (:

  15. That was incredibly powerful, and the formatting within it was great. I’ve just come home from my first year of college, and though school is not far away, I’m falling into a rut of old friends that I was trying to cut out, because priorities change in life right? This piece makes perfect sense. It’s also not about saving something “big”, like the world, but something small, like our little worlds. Great writing!

    • Hey!

      I’m so glad you were able to relate to something outside of romantic relationships. This was absolutely meant to encompass so many different types of situations. I actually felt exactly like you once about my high school friends! I felt like every year I went home from college I was getting more and more distant from such a large group I was once apart of. In the end, I ended up with a smaller, but definitely quality group that I still keep in touch with, even today! Also, I loved that you called out that big problems aren’t the only worthwhile problems, sometimes we have to give our personal battles some credit too. Thanks so much for your compliments, for reading, and for your insights. And as far as your rut is concerned? I can 1,000% promise you it’s all for a worthwhile reason and you’ll discover so much of yourself through it.

  16. Like this entry very much due to how you’ve aligned your texts!

    And also can related to the part on cutting someone out of my life. Ironic. I did it for the better of us lest that the relationship goes worse and ends on bad note.

    • Hey thank you so much! I spend a lot of time and thought on my formatting, so it means so much that you’ve taken the time to compliment it (:

      So great that you can relate as well. We all have our reasoning and each case is situational, usually very warranted and all with different endings. I applaud you for doing what is best for yourself.

  17. Reblogged this on 30 to be. and commented:
    Add your This caught my attention about cutting someone out of your life and towards the end, one of the reason why I did so was listed down. So it wasn’t just me then. It is a normal thing that you cut people out of your life.

  18. Thank you for this. Today would have been the 14th anniversary of my marriage, had it not ended in 2010. It was my decision to end it; that fact does very little to help ease the heaviness of this date.

    • Chris, how serendipitous that you ended up reading this on such a heavy anniversary. Although I’m sure you had the best intentions and reasonings behind your decision, I can’t blame you at all for still feeling a heaviness in your heart during this time. I can only hope I helped you just a little bit on this day (:

  19. Ah, painful. Beautifully written. I have definitely experienced this! I underlined a few lines about nostalgia (on quite a different subject) in a book I was reading today,

    ‘Nostalgia is a fragile and tender anguish, basically different, more intimate, more human than the other pains we had endured till then . . . Nostalgia is a limpid and clean pain, but demanding; it permeates every minute of the day, permits no other thoughts and induces a need for escape.’ – The Truce, Primo Levi

    You post reminds me a lot of House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski, have you come across this? If not then I highly recommend.

    Good work! Congratulation on being freshly pressed!

    • Hey!

      What an AWESOME share. I couldn’t agree more with that quote and no, I actually haven’t read House of Leaves yet! But I definitely want to check it out now! Thanks so much for sharing your rockstar insight and your compliments (: Officially following you!

      • The structure of the novel is very similar to the way you have written your post ie. the way the words visually look on the page mimic what is happening in the story. Enormously clever formatting . . . better still if the writing is half decent 😉 And – my pleasure, keep it up!

  20. Lesson learned
    after being cut out
    from several
    and now
    for the second time
    from whom I thought was
    my best friend…
    I’m strongest
    alone.

  21. This is hands down the best thing that I’ve read this week. Please do not feel the need to reply to my comment. Your poem is more than your contribution to the writing community this week. I believe you may have picked up my and a couple other’s literary slack for today.

    Captivating, perfect, I’m going to go back, reread it and hug it close to me. Reminiscent of Shane Koyczan, in case you aren’t Canadian he’s the best poet we’ve got.

    • Sarah!

      How could I NOT respond to such a quality and genuine comment like this? I can’t tell you how much this means to me. As someone who is very avidly pursuing my writing dream, this is just the confidence booster that I needed.

      Read is as many times as you want! And I will do my very best to keep producing work that you’ll (hopefully) read. Shane Koyczan? Now that’s a whole new level of flattery.

      Can’t wait to keep up with your writing (:

  22. First of all, fantastic writing. I loved how you made it into a rolling credits format. Very clever. I just returned to my summer job after my freshman year of college, where my ex-girlfriend still works. She broke up with me and while she wanted to still be friends, I couldn’t do that, so in a way I cut her out of my life. While the relationship was most likely never as deep and complex as the one you describe, I still felt I was able to relate to at least some of the feelings you were detailing. Thanks for sharing, truly enjoyed reading that.

    • Hey!

      First of all, thanks so much for the incredible compliment on my writing! And hey, no matter what level of deepness or emotion is involved with cutting someone out of your life, it is still very tough and significant nonetheless. You are absolutely able to relate and feel the intense emotion that goes along with something like this. I am more than happy to share and even happier that it was able to help you if even a little bit (:

    • Lucy!

      Thank you so much for your awesome and heartfelt compliments. However, I think the thing that meant the most to me, was that this hit so close to home and that it was able to help you in some way, shape or form. You are absolutely welcome, and I can only hope I can produce more writing that you can relate to and lean on. Thank you for reading!!!

    • Hey! So glad you enjoyed it! I know I took quite the gamble with my writing style, so it’s quite the compliment that you appreciate it. There is plenty more where this came from, stay tuned! And thanks so much for reading. You rock.

    • What a great point to bring up a happy medium. Sometimes there isn’t a definitive time when someone is cut out, but the feeling of vacancy is problem strong nonetheless. I hope whatever situation you are in, this was able to help if just a little bit (:

  23. I guess considering all of the above & my life experience thus far; there aren’t but a few that I’ve had to cut from my life. Totally…And with ALL of the people I’ve met, re-met, shared time with, loved!, included in my extended fam of friends; 2 isn’t a large number at all. As I’ve evolved in this journey I’ve learned to discern from the onset..a little bit better than long ago…whose vibes are good and those that aren’t. I’m a vibe reader for sure! If I feel a bad vibe coming from someone; I don’t move forward. Having said that though I’ve met people, many, that we just click! from the very onset. And even with differences and/or divorce re-kindle, re-vibe,re-connect…stay connected. I’ve no ex that doesn’t still maintain contact with me…Have I hurt from past break ups? Most certainly..but after evolvement I remembered to go back in memory..and figure out what the lesson was. Which then led to being able to forgive, release, and move forward…Its my sincere belief that without doing so; we carry all that leftover baggage forward into any /every relationship in the future. Sad as this piece was ; it was well written. And allowed me to reflect on some really beautiful moments in my own life. Stay UPlifted & blessed

    • Thank you so much for your beautiful compliment. It was so great to get an insight into your personal experiences and hear your testimony on the matter. I will definitely stay uplifted and blessed, and I hope you do the same as well!

  24. Wow! So poignant and so on spot for what I was just dealing with this evening. I’m facing this very situation recently as my husband and I just separated and he moved out. I asked him tonight in a text if he ever thinks of me or misses me. Because I do everyday. This separation was not my choice but in my heart of hearts I know it has to be. My daily struggle is to accept that he IS ok with it much more than I. Maybe one day I will look back and see that it all was meant to be.

    • Hey! Wow. What serendipitous timing. What you’re going through is probably such a crazy rush of emotions and even though it is so hard, it’s super admirable that you are able to trust your heart of hearts. Trust me when I say, this was such a brave move with both parties involved and the root of every decision and conversation was so jam-packed with emotion and filled to the brim with care. Hope this article helped you a little bit (:

    • Hey! Thanks so much for your amazing compliment. I have a different writing style and really try to focus around universal topics with a different lens so we can all come together through such high emotion times. You are absolutely welcome, and I can’t thank you enough for reading!

  25. I took this straight to the heart. I just published a post about “him” falling in love with someone else.
    Thank you.

  26. There are certain feelings that you can only experience when you have been cut out of someone else’s life. If these feelings don’t really suck and hurt and make you unsure of anything and everything then what you had wasn’t worth it. I take comfort in being assured that I used to have something good. And beautifully written too

    • You took the words right out of my mouth! The thing is, in situations liked this, we are so quick to assume that the opposite party suddenly stops caring which is the absolute opposite of the truth. You put it into words beautifully and I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for reading, and your compliments!

    • Hey! Thank you so much for your compliments (: Strangely enough the movie we saw was a double screening for TV shows where they were trying to gage the reactions of audiences. We watched an episode of shameless and then one of House of lies. Both ironically hitting home for both my friend and I.

  27. Excellent post. I’ve often had this very same conversation with my best friend in law school on many occasions. The most beautiful and yet terrifying aspect of life is its randomness – how people from different walks of life come together and collide like pinballs each moment and forever alter one another’s life whether the better or worse. I’ve been there and have felt similar emotions to your friend’s. It’s not easy and it’s an utter waste honestly when it happens but she’s right; letting go is a dual process.

    • Hey! I know exactly what you mean. In situations like this, it makes so much sense to focus on what’s going on with your own emotions forgetting that the other person is probably struggling just as much, if not more! It’s definitely not easy and sometimes it really can feel like a waste but from what I’ve witnessed and experienced, growth and rediscovery most always come out of it.

  28. Pingback: When You Cut Someone Out Of Your Life | EFZ with an (E)

    • Hey! What an awesome compliment to give. I absolutely wrote it with the intention of striking a chord and finding a relatable ground with anyone who read it. You’re awesome for stopping by and reading. Officially following you so I can see all the rockstar things you write (:

  29. I enjoyed this so much. You have the ability to take the reader through every emotion conveyed in this article. Your writing is captivating and very relate-able. Can’t wait to read more of your work!

    • Hello! I have to say, your comment was one of the best comments I’ve ever gotten. You’ve truly given me the best compliment on my writing I could have ever asked for! I’m so happy you stopped by to read, and I can’t wait to write more things that you’ll hopefully enjoy just as much (:

  30. Hey Olive..
    I found Your piece through Freshly pressed and am more than glad for the read.
    A couple of my close friends are all also going through the same and it was a delight to read this insightful take into the whole thing. “cause however hard we try to avoid.. we start to weigh the cutting or getting cut off as a right or wrong decision, where rightfully its none. Its plain simple leaving.
    However, am still (even while am reading/writing this) on a debate with a friend about what is more painful…. To be the one cutting someone out or getting cut out! Even after ‘aving been on both sides……… iI cant weigh it out. Another thing i guess that we cannot determine O:-)
    Congrat u l a t i o n s !!!..
    on getting freshly pressed! 🙂

    Cheers,
    Pearl!

    • Pearl!

      I’m really glad you brought up the grey area of this subject. I think it would be false to say that anyone just wakes up one day and says “today is the day you’re out of my life forever!” Sometimes these things are definitely progressive and it takes you a while to figure out what really makes the most sense! I truly hope you’re able to sort out your emotions through all of this and most importantly do whatever your head and heart can agree on.

      Thanks so much for the compliments. You’re awesome!!

    • Hello!

      I had to reread our comment about 8 times this morning to see if it was real. It put such a big smile on my face and an even bigger one to hear someone else other than myself look at my writing as art. Thank you so much for taking the time to say something so meaningful to me. I can’t wait to read more of your writing and share the same positive support with you (:

    • Hey!

      You know the strangest part about that part was that it was such spontaneous quote when it was said which is why I think it resonated so much. You’re awesome by for stopping by to read (:

  31. Move on. Two simple words but so hard to do. Here is something I wrote on my blog about a similar matter. Its tilted Lost in Transition.

    Transition……

    From Lovers to Friends.

    She struggles…….

    He’s moved on.

    Lovely post .Makes you realize that human emotions are so similar no matter where we live.

    • Thank you so much for sharing some of your work with me. It’s so simple and so beautiful.

      Human emotions are so similar and the thing is, when any one of our friends are hurting, we completely sympathize and it makes so much sense! But for whatever reason we are so much harder on ourselves. Thanks so much for reading (:

  32. This is a post I guess a lot of people will relate to, as did I. I love how you responded to your friend, you are just there. Listening, letting her feel what she does and doing your best to show that you care. A lovely friend.

    • Hey! I actually thought about that as I was recounting that night. I tried to downplay my dialogue as much as possible and fixate on her current struggle so it was more about her than it was about me. That being said, it’s actually really awesome that you picked up on that! After I posted this story she actually texted me the other day for listening so much that day rather than over taking the conversation and just letting her vent, so I know she’ll really appreciate this comment too!

      • That you even thought through it, being conscious about your role, makes it even more amazing. I pick up on people that have warm hearts and care, and it is obvious that you do. That makes me smile, because people like you are the heroes of the world, the small Gandhis and mother Teresa’s that make the world a little bit better 🙂
        Have a wonderful weekend:)

  33. Pingback: When You Cut Someone Out Of Your Life | Brown Girl Diaries

  34. This is so beautifully and artistically written. I love the format – we can hear the paper crinkling, or see the credits rolling down the screen or visualize each button being closed; it’s such a vivid way of presenting it. The writing is wonderful too, and very insightful. Thanks for sharing this and congrats on being freshly pressed!

    • Dounia!

      I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to type out that genuine response. I definitely take your compliment and appreciation to heart and hope you know you’ve given me an extra confidence boost to stick to my writing style. You rock!

      • I certainly hope you’ll stick to your style – I love it, and I’ll be following! I know how much positive and genuine comments can make my day, so it was my pleasure! Thanks for taking the time to reply – you response put a big smile on my face! 🙂

  35. A great sentiment and beautifully structured. It seems like you’d be a great friend to have around in that situation. I can never really cut old loves out of my life, and if anything I’ve tended to be the person cut out… but that’s just me. Anyway great post!

    • Hmm..I’m not sure if my last comment sent but just in case I’ll type it out again haha.

      Matthew! Thank you for calling me a great friend, it really means a lot. In fact, after I typed this out, I sent it to my friend Leah to remind her of our thought process just in case she ever found herself in that rut again. The thing is decisions like this are very much made with the heart which we know can be very unpredictable but also our most genuine source of reason. Thanks so much for reading, I’ve officially followed you back so I can check out your great work (:

  36. This was such an entertaining post! It kept me interested, not only because of the storyline, but how you wrote it. I really liked how you posted the picture of the movie screen where you sat, center but a little to the right. Very creative! Good job!

    • Hey Lauren!

      I’m really really glad you took such a liking to my writing style. I knew when I started writing typing out my stories that I was taking gamble with my writing style, so it truly makes me really happy to hear that people not only appreciate it, but like it as well. You’re a rockstar for taking the time to tell me this (:

  37. Wow. What an exceptional post! This is incredible and rings true for me at the moment. I’ve gone through this process several times and am in awe at how perfectly you describe it. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed too!

  38. Interesting that I happened upon this. I recently had a similar conversation about this with a friend. me: I find it difficult to remain friends with someone I’ve cut out of my life or that has cut me out of their’s. he: sure, its akward at times, but, you don’t have completely cut someone, you can be friends. me: trying to relate, but, finding it hard to; working on it though. Thanks for sharing!

    • Hey! What serendipitous timing. People often look at this surprisingly common scenario through a different lens depending on their experience or what side they’re on. Hope it was insightful in some way, shape or form! Thanks for reading (:

  39. Wow! I don’t come to the FP Section very often. However, this was perfectly timed posting, for me and for others I see as well. I’ve been having similar conversations a friend of mine and your words just say everything I have been thinking, both parts of the conversation. I decided to cut someone out of my life, not because it was of a bad instance, we were both in very different places in life and keeping this person around was only toxic. He still tries to remain in my life, however I stand by my decision and know it is for the best.

    Even though we may cut someone out of our lives, doesn’t mean they will always remain that way.

    Great post!

    • Hey Susie!

      What coincidental timing that you were able to stumble upon this post at the right time. Seeing you type this up is reassurance for not only me, but also for others that even though someone cuts someone else out, doesn’t mean that they don’t care! In fact, it’s the complete opposite. Hope everything is well with you and thanks so much for stopping by to read (:

  40. Mygoodnessgraciousme! It took a long time to scroll to the bottom to

    make

    a

    comment.

    Loved it, love the way you write and how you visually play with the words on the page – If I was Greek I would throw a plate and shout “Bravo!”

    • Hello!!!

      I can’t tell you how thankful I am for your compliments on my writing and my writing style. I spend a lot of time trying to make my writing relatable and subtly a piece of art as well. You’re awesome for reading, and I can’t wait to see what you write as well (:

  41. Absolutely phenomenal. I’m in total awe. I love everything about this post. The writing. The style. The message. The approach. My god you’re good. Teach me all you know 😉 This is the sole reason why I love blogs. I get to find a treasure every now and then. Bravo.

    • Hey Angie!

      You are such a big sweetheart who totally just rocked my day! Your compliments mean the world to me and I’d love to talk writing styles with you. So happy you stumbled upon my writing, and can’t wait to check out some of yours too.

    • I completely agree, my friend will be so relieved to know that she is not alone in feeling this way! But I promise even though it may seem that they are moving on without a problem, it can’t possibly be true.

  42. lovely style, excellent content. very personal too. makes me wish for a do-over. but those don’t come with the manual do they? cutting a person out of one’s life always creates two wounds. The one that takes the longest to heal is the one that was closest to the knife, in a manner of speaking, of course.

    • What a thought-provoking way of putting this. “The one that takes the longest to heal is the one that was closest to the knife” Very insightful. Thanks for stopping by to read, and your compliments!

  43. First, I cut my cousin from my life. She was toxic and cruel but I loved her. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Then came my uncle, for being monstrous towards my life choices. I didn’t feel bad about him but I do miss what once was… Next came my aunt and uncle. That was their choice, though, and I’m positive it wouldn’t make a difference either way. Having surgically removed relationships from my life for the liabilities they represent hasn’t been easy but I can live with it. What I can’t live with is the fact that my brother is doing everything he can to push everyone away and he sleeps in the next room with his wife. That is probably the most depressing thing I’ve ever experienced.

    • I can only imagine how emotionally straining and stressful all of those experiences are, especially when put together! I definitely hope that things work out for the betterment of your heart so you can finally find peace.

      • Peace is a word and a word has no value without struggle to give it definition. I’ve been through a lot in my life. Traumatic experiences and touching ones. Honestly, it wasn’t until I was diagnosed with PTSD that I realized that some of my need to remove toxic relationships was the most therapeutic thing for me. I doubt peace can truly be achieved in my life but I can at least maintain some semblance of normalcy.

  44. As most poignant things tend to do, came across this right after the person I cut from my life re-entered it. I never once thought how my cutting out effected him, I was too intent on cleansing my life from toxicity. This wonderfully written story gave me a moment of pause as I was made to think of what it had been like on his end. I had viewed him as my enemy and now I wonder if our split caused him as much pain as it did me, and what I did was the hardest thing I had ever done. Now with this re-emergence into each others lives, what will come next?

    Thank you. This was not only a fabulous read but a thought provoking one. Well done.

    • Hello!

      I am so glad that you shared this story with me. You are living proof that it really is difficult on both ends and I’m so happy that this post was able to give you a little bit of insight that you aren’t the only one who needs to detox the emotionally heavy out of their life, and to also know the other person weights you equally as important.

  45. I’m so waiting for a change to happen that will morally permit me to to allow a dear friend to re-enter my world. It hurt beyond belief when it happened – the realization that our morals and values were on a huge offset and then, that the break had to be made. The actual *doing* of the break was immeasurably painful as well. But deep down in that quiet little place where I listen intently, I know it was the right thing to do. Right hurts sometimes. Thanks for this blog today.

    • Hey Debbie,

      Coping and accepting such an emotionally deep situation is definitely not an overnight process but the most important part is that despite the pain that it causes, you’re still able to listen to your internal instinct, and I’m proud of you for that (: Thanks for reading!

    • Hey Irwan!

      Thanks you so much for your genuine feed back on my story. I really do spend a lot of time and effort on the content and formatting so it feels pretty awesome when someone outside of my head can appreciate it. You rock!

  46. wow I think I just read a novel or sat down at a movie ?
    wow a word comes to mind?? wordy!
    ok my story and il try to keep it as brief as I can?
    I have in the past Id say 10 years have had three people walk out of my life, and for dumb reasons? #1 was for the fact I would not allow him to live with me? at the time I was living in a very small hole in the wall apartment , where would he sleep? we are both guys so when you see me?? name Kelly?
    #2 was a guy id known for years but? when he found out through some televangelist? that the end times are near?? I told him how foolish that was, and saying you want to believe it?? your business not mine, he didn’t lime that and before long he said your not ready meaning not ready to meet the lord?? he then hung up the phone?
    then we have #3, who wants to run my life, he would say ” don’t take this wrong? hey he can still call? if he wants?

  47. Pingback: The People | olivethepeople

  48. Amazing, amazing, amazing. It moved me to tears. You have a beautiful gift for writing and expressing heartfelt sentiments.

    • Aw Jessica I know what you mean, definitely. It’s an emotional process that we wish so badly we could speed up! But trust me when I say it’s well worth the wait and will solve itself sooner than you think.

  49. Wow, absolutely beautifully written and said!! And I absolutely love how you show the characteristics between the “b-u-t-t-o-n” and then the dialogue. This is my first time viewing, but I will be keeping up!

    • Hey! Thanks so much for stopping by and reading, and thank you even more for complimenting my writing style. You rock! I’d love it if you kept up with my ridiculous and/or inspiring shenanigans, and I can’t wait to check out your stuff too!

    • Hey! Thanks so much for reblogging my work, really means a lot and it’s awesome to hear that someone else is on the same page. Literally 😉 . But yes, I completely agree, this is exactly why I said physically erasing will never mean emotional erasing.

  50. Good writin and depiction of reality of most of the relationships these days. Relations are no more nurturing the other person to make them better but trying to mold them into something else instead.

    Happy Writing!!! 🙂

    • Hey! I couldn’t agree with you more. Relationships are so emotionally driven and really make you realize a lot about yourself whether it’s during, or after. Happy writing to you as well!

  51. Perfect timing !! Just yesterday, I stepped into a new relationship with a good friend. Yesterday itself, he suddenly realized ‘a future may not be possible’ and yet he moved ahead and we stepped deeper into the relationship.
    Today he seems to have distanced himself out completely. He has cut me out totally. I ask something, a reply comes ages later and it is always in monosyllables. I am a mess right now. Wish yesterday hadn’t happened.

    • Wow. What serendipitous timing indeed! This has to be so tough to deal with and I’ve absolutely been where you are. I hope this story made you realize that his behavior isn’t out of lack of care but in all actuality, the complete opposite.

  52. Thank you very much for posting this. I can really relate with your ideas because I managed to experience them (to cut someone out of my life and to be cut in someone else’s life). I had the same questions that you posted. And before, it was really difficult to figure out the reasons why things like that had to happen. But you’re right. Eventually, I finally understood that things happen because there’s a damn good reason for it. Surpassing the hurt and the pain and learning from it is what matters the most. Thanks again and keep up the good job! 😀

    • Hey, you are absolutely welcome. As tough as your experiences were, I’m so glad you we were able to relate on the topic and help each other out so we knew there was someone else out there fighting through it as well. You’re awesome for stopping by (: Thank you!

  53. Not only was that a feast for the mind, but wow, what a feast for the eyes, the layout, the set up, the font, the spacing…everything. Thankyou so much for sharing.

      • Thanks for the story. I’ve just come out of a dysfunctional relationship and the temptation is to go back to explore the other’s feelings. But I know that it’s not possible because it never was. I saw her at the market yesterday and she scuttled off as though she hadn’t seen me, but we both know she did. It’s a sad, lonely time, but filled with delicious self justification mixed with the remorse. Oh well, I guess it’s what makes singers sing and writers write.

      • “I guess it’s what makes singers sing and writers write.” < I absolutely love this line. I absolutely know what you mean when it comes to physically being ignored by someone and it's so easy to place the blame on someone not caring when in all actuality it's overwhelming amount of emotion that causes it to happen. I hope you're feeling just a little bit better.

  54. What people usually don’t know is that the one who does the letting go does not feel any less pain, in fact they sometimes hurt the most because they have to initiate the process of letting go. Great post

    • Hey Sheila!

      Thank you so much for leaving this comment. I could not possibly agree with you more, and I’m really glad you wrote this so other people are able to see someone else say it as well. Hope everything is well with you (:

  55. In life we experience so many different things, on different levels and stages, but it seems that the element of love and all related to it hits us that little bit more! Beautifully written, your piece managed to grip me and give me a chance to reflect on my own thoughts and experiences..as “Physically erasing someone doesn’t mean emotionally erasing as well.” Well done & Thank you : )

    • Hey!

      I couldn’t agree with you more. Love is such a basis for so many things we go through in life, and how we feel about them! I am so happy my story was able to help you and bring your comfort. Thank YOU for reading.

  56. I have a cut-off situation in my life that I’d like to someday resolve (the into-two you mentioned). Neither one of us is ready for our sequel quite yet, but I sent a link for this post to my estranged friend as a way of expressing that I still think of him, that there is good feeling, and that one day we might reconnect. Though we won’t write or speak right now, I know he’ll read it, get my meaning, and warm at our shared understanding of enduring affection and quiet patience throughout this mutually difficult ordeal.

    Thank-you for giving me such a beautiful, humble, and honest tool to bridge the chasm.

    • Hey!

      Wow! I can’t believe you sent this to your estranged friend, that actually makes me really happy to hear and I really hope that you have a fruitful outcome from it and I absolutely think you know him well enough to know that he will be so appreciative of your efforts. You are absolutely welcome for sharing this story and I thank YOU for reading it and being so brave to share it with your friend (:

  57. Fine write! I liked your style and how it fit the subject matter perfectly. Tested relationships first words and paragraphs that are synergistic then the downward spiral which starts slowly comes apart falls rises comes together drops then a little up the split the divide finally coming together in understanding that it had to be for you to be close to whole again in fine writing touching others. Great job! Thanks! Peace!

  58. I really loved this post! Im happily in a relationship now but certain things come to mind about people from my past – friends, family, and partners. Keep up the good and creative writing! 🙂

  59. Your style of writing is really impeccable! You speak such truth to the pain of a break-up. It is truly such a shame that people who once were so madly in love so often become enemies. Exceptional work!

    • Hello!

      Thank you so much for your amazing compliments. I spend a lot on my formatting and my ideas so it really means a lot to hear such great feedback on it (: I agree, it truly it so sad that people who were once so close, are now complete strangers, but I guess in some way it’s kind of incredible to know that it was sparked from such overwhelming emotion from someone else.

  60. Thank you for this piece. The hand on fire metaphor is such a beautiful imagery and so apt. I’ve gotten really close to someone and slowly learned the story of all the people in his life he had to cut out. How sad that I became part of that story too.

    • Hey, absolutely. It’s so eye-opening when you realize how different people cope with their emotions, and it’s so hard when cutting you out is a part of their coping mechanism. I hope if anything, this piece helped you realize that you aren’t alone, and that you most certainly are cared about (:

  61. I had to do this to my father. A very toxic man and damaging to most people around him. A pathological liar to boot. He’ll tell you he wasn’t in the car with you when he was actually the guy driving. It didn’t feel good to let him go, but there was no choice. Moving on was much more important. He is still alive, but not for long.

      • Yes, not one I wanted to relent to. I love my parents, mother passed in 2001, but when we are all stripped of our relationships and titles, we are still just people. What is left over really defines us. My father, standing stripped, still remained the guy I had had minimal contact with for forty years. The last time we spent at least 24 hours together was in 1972 when I was a kid in school. A senior, actually. He, today, is still as abrasive and demeaning as he was then, and 80 years old. releasing people is one thing, releasing a father is a whole different ball game.

        A bit long winded, but here is my account of the story. I was there.
        http://kellyjdrummer.wordpress.com/2012/01/06/little-boy/

        Thanks for looking,
        Kelly J.

  62. Pingback: Time Changes Everything | Positively Cynful

  63. Pingback: When You Cut Someone Out Of Your Life | cerysthomas

  64. Thank you for writing this. I am in the middle of healing myself, and reading this is a great salve to forgiving myself, and him, for the choices we made, and are making. Parting is always painful, and living absent of each other is a choice. Its consequences, can be both suffocating and liberating. Loving and being in a relationship is never an easy choice, but its the only choice in having a life well-lived.

    • What a beautiful thing to say. You are absolutely welcome for writing this, you are so right when you say that the extremities of both emotions are definitely felt in one situation. It’s definitely never easy, but it’s always hopefully worthwhile (:

  65. This was beyond incredible! Thank you for including our “senses” in this post. It was like a 4D movie but not. LOVE everything you said…and now applying it to my past relationships as well. Incredible…just simply incredible….

  66. This is an incredible piece of writing. I recently had to sit through a training with a woman who was my coming out affair, and yes, we don’t talk, but my hands shook for twenty-minutes while I feigned emailing and notetaking. The physical is certainly not the emotional–well said.

  67. I cut my best friend out of my life twice. She will always, always have a special place in my life, but we never recovered with my demotion from maid of honor to bridesmaid. The hurt was just too much and she never understood that the rejection was insurmountable. I don’t know when she misses me, but I know she does. When I want to share something that only she would find funny, my heart braces against the tidal wave of nostalgia.

  68. Thank you for writing this post. I love your style! The way you did your line breaks kept me scrolling down the page even as I wanted to keep scrolling because of the content. Very interesting! I had to cut my best friend out of my life last year. I hadn’t realized she had already cut me from the inner circle of her own life and thought wedding planning would bring us back together like we’d always planned. Instead it blew up in our faces and we both had to move on. It’s been almost a year and I still miss what we had…and I still think about her. But it was option A. For the Better.

    • Hey! Thanks you very much for not only complimenting my writing, but my style as well. It really means a lot to me! Gives me confidence to keep writing the way I write, in the way that I want to write it (: Also, thank you so much for sharing YOUR story. Cutting people out can be so difficult and the reasoning behind it can get so clouded with emotion, but I think it’s really fantastic that you can recognize it for what it is, and be a stronger person because of it (:

  69. I loved “moving on is a two-person job” and the way you cRinKle and
    E
    L
    O
    N
    G
    A
    T
    E
    Your words… very neat to look at. The writing draws you right in. I like it!!

    Emily
    {Photography and Wisdom}

    • Hey Emily!

      Thank you so much for not only complimenting my writing style, but being specific with your compliments as well. Seriously so genuine and very thoughtful of you. I take a lot of atypical risks with my writing style so it makes me feel really confident in my work with comments like yours (: Can’t wait to check out more of your stuff!

      Olive

    • Wow! Best thing you’ve ever read in your life? I will most definitely take that compliment! You are absolutely welcome. And thank YOU for reading. Remember, we’re all going through this shenanigan called life, together (:

      • Truly! I’ve already tweeted this to you, but please write a book! And please let us know if you do. I can’t tell you how much this piece means to me!! We are!! I regret to say this, but the kids are right.. YOLO! *Oh my god, please say I didn’t just say that* Ha!

      • No worries!!! I already have 2 books in the works. One of which is just a collection of these inspiring/humorous/ love posts and the other one is a surprise, but if you liked this post, I think you’ll appreciate the book (: I absolutely will let you know if I can get it published, and in the meantime, sharing is exactly what helps me get there. And you, my friend, are the superstar that has already helped me out more than you know.

    • Hey, that’s so awesome to hear. I really wanted to write a piece that spoke to a wide audience and more specifically about a subject we tend to shy away from so we know we’re not alone! (:

  70. Pingback: When You Cut Someone Out Of Your Life | Tinkerblle

    • Hello! Thank you so much. It is so easy to believe these things for everyone else’s situations but our own. But once we actually breach the ability to realize that we really aren’t alone, and that are feelings really aren’t so different after all, it feels really great to know we’re not the only ones. Thank you for reading!

  71. I absolutely love how you’ve summed up this highly relate-able situation. I do agree, it does always seem to fall in those 3 categories. But most of the time it’s certainly for the better.

  72. Wish I could’ve read this about a year ago but reading it now reminded me how far I’ve come as well, awesome writing!

  73. “That suddenly her self-worth and her self-respect would rest on his responses…Physically erasing someone doesn’t mean emotional erasing as well….” THIS BITES!

    I love your writings.

  74. Very True.

    I’m sure everyone has their story related to this and if you think about it, of course you can never emotionally erase them. After all, such severe cutting out could only be required for someone so deeply embedded in.

  75. Pingback: When You Cut Someone Out Of Your Life | Eddie Ranghetti

  76. Nice post. It reminded me of my own story that took happened so long ago. Even though I wouldn’t go back, sometimes I wonder what I would do if I saw him again. Would I feel the same way? Would I feel happy? Would I feel sad? Would I feel anything at all? Luckily (?) we live too far away from each other to just randomly meet on the street…

  77. Pingback: Her Unapproved Decision | olivethepeople

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