October 19th 2013
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Rise and Shine!…With Wine.
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Indeed this was an exact reenactment of my appearance on the morning of October 19th, 2013 at approximately 7:25 am.
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The occasion was this:
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About a month or two back a my local NYC friend, Bee
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Invited a flock of preppy New Yorkers to join her on a party bus to Far Hills, New Jersey.
“There’s going to be a race” she said.
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“A horse race.”
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With booze.
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Everyone said yes.
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The story gets better.
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The expectations were as follows:
1. The bus will leave exactly at 9 am
2. That bus will have drinking
3. That race will having driving
4. This event is BYODF (Bring your own damn food)
5. The bus will leave exactly at 4 p.m. And will not wait for anyone.
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Now normally I’m not a ruler abider
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Because quite honestly:
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But one does not simply – cancel on Bee “Goldfish Chugger” Dover:
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So alas, at the painful stroke of 8:30 am on a Saturday morning, the lot of us woke the fuck up. And piled on the damn bus with optimal grace:
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That looked like this:
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Where we pulled on our drinking khakis and leggings. And got the party started with a classy, world-renowned, fresh from September 2013 swig of:
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Franzia:
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II
II
II
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2 hours and 48 blacked out individuals (and 1 semi-coherent wasian) later
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___________________ ___________________
We had arrived.
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And at the precise moment of park, Tucker bound off the bus instantaneously:
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As the rest of us frOLicked behind him shortly after. Mostly drunk and partially excited to see a fleet of horses, swirling glasses of chardonnay, oversized hats, flowing dresses, some croutons sprinkled on catered-in salads
Until we saw…
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This:
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airborne
Not a glass of chardonnay was found. All croutons were
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And any abandoned mustaches?
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Were fucking worn:
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Suddenly.
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A gunshot went off.
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The ====== horses ===== were ===== out ===== of ===== the ===== gate
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And no one gave a single fuck.
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But only because.
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We were distracted.
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And going a little rogue.
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And I noticed it when:
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In the midst of making new friends:
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I noticed a something bright from the
corner of my eye.
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It was a man. Dressed in a yellow shirt. He wore a puka shell….wicker hat.
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And his name was Hank.
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And Hank had one request.
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To fill up his flask.
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And that was it:
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Once Hank was properly remounted on his walker, (flask in hand)… I suddenly noticed an unusual amount of hay
f
l
u
t
t
e
r
i
n
g
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In the sky.
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And that’s when I saw it.
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Liam Parker violently chucking mass amounts of hay at innocent children’s faces:
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Without a single ounce of remorse:
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T
i
m
b
e
r
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Moments after I witnessed Liam face plant a handful of children, his very roommate, Tucker, was approximately 8 shots of whiskey overboard slow mo-ing a champion fall that looked like this:
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Alas, Tucker was sitting up right and simmering down Liam’s violence. And the rest of the day was spent hijacking fireball:
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Taking selfies:
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And overreacting to pre-packaged sandwiches #drunkanddesperate
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And at the precise stroke of 3:43 pm that day, Krissy, Charlie and I moseyed >> our way over to our trusty ride home. Eagerly ready to abide by rule #5:
The bus will leave exactly at 4 p.m. And will not wait for anyone.
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So off we went >>>>
Ready to go
Happily drunk
With cheetos on the mind
When suddenly
X X X
________________________________ “I’m sorry ladies. No one can cross this gate” ____________________________
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2 officers were standing at a barricade in their uniformed slacks and freshly polished badges.
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“What do you mean, officers? We need to leave!”
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“I’m sorry but we simply cannot let you leave until the horses have crossed this part of the track”
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“Well…how long will that be?”
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“20 minutes? Maybe more?”
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“But we’ve gotta go. Our ride. It’s in the parking lot!”
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“Tough shit.”
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So there we were.
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The lone 3 of us
X X X
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Stranded with a pack of horses and a phone call that said
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“The bus driver said he’s not going to wait. We’re leaving now”
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And that they did.
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We kept our cool:
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And began to brainstorm the various ways to travel back to our overpriced homes in the city.
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And that’s when we saw it.
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A glowing train station from a fair distance away.
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And with a quick dead sprint and an impromptu ticket. We finally boarded the train.
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And made some friends.
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And it wasn’t until we strolled through our doors a not so brief 4 hours later, changed into our makeshift PJs and watched breaking bad until 1 in the goddamn morning, did I realize that
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This might just be the last time I’d ever attempt to mix animals with booze.
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Unless it involves something like this:
Sounds like my kind of Saturday.
That’s what I like to hear!
Your life never ceases to amaze.
(:
I believe the white goat drank all the booze… “lol lol” 😉
Wonderful post… 🙂
You and I are on the same page. And thanks!
Sent from my iPhone
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