How to Make An Already Awkward Situation…Even More Awkward

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August 9th 2013 . Piles of resumes . were neatly stacked on my desk ____________________________________________ Sent >> from hopeful grads and undergrads eagerly applying for an internship at my fashion-forward company – unaware that they were really sprucing their resume up for… . An opportunity to intern for me. . Not only be my own … Continue reading

5 Things I’m Doing Instead Of Paying Attention

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May 29th 2013 . Dude. . I have no idea what the fuck you just said. . And I’m sorry. . . . . Sort of sorry. . . . . . …Moderately sorry. . . . . . Alright listen . . If you’re thinking to yourself “Cool, asshole, why didnt’ you listen to … Continue reading

So You Wanna Take Me On A Date: The Panic Diaries – Girl Edition

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May 23rd 2013 . So I like your face and you like mine. . THAT’S GOOD SHIT. . Often times, boys and girls make this spontaneous decision on a rather hourly basis and SOMETIMES they like each other’s faces well enough to go on what we like to label as a “date”. . But . … Continue reading

How To Break The Ice With Class

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May 10th, 2013 “Hi I’m Olive (*Hiiiiiii Oliveeeeee*) and my fun fact is I um…I uh likeeee…. (WHAT THE FUCK JUST SAY SOMETHING YOU FOOL)…bananas?” . NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. . I’d like to tell you this story isn’t true. In fact, I’d love to tell you that this never happened to me at all. But alas, there … Continue reading

The Trials And Tribulations Of Being A Wing Man

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March 15th, 2013 Well. You know what happened to me. As a wing woman, I mean. The time I was sacrificing all sorts of personal boundaries for the approval from the friendship gods. But what about the men? The wing men, I mean? Is it the same? Are they also heroically chucking themselves under the … Continue reading

My Craigslist Commentary 5

March 12, 2013 And this shit just keeps getting weirder & weirder. Craigslist Commentary 5 Starts Now: To the woman who crapped her pants in my car (hey) We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. (Winner!) I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that … Continue reading

So You Want To Sleepover: The Panic Diaries – Guy Edition

Well. I’ve already told you what we think.   About the sleepovers I mean. And I’m not talking gal pal- bros night sleepovers. I’m talking about the scandy ones with someone you wouldn’t mind doing questionable things to. But what about you? What in the hell is going through your mind: Before? During? After? The cuddle? The goddamn … Continue reading

So You Want To Sleepover: The Panic Diaries – Girl Edition

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Alright. So you have those sleepovers. And I’m not talking gal pal- bros night sleepovers. I’m talking about the scandy ones with someone you wouldn’t mind doing questionable things to. . But here’s the thing. . They’re not your significant other. . They’re not even someone you’ve hooked up with before. . No no. This … Continue reading

13 Impossible Rescue Tactics For A Crab In Distress

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November  4th 2012 The other day I invested in this casual social interaction which I like to call the “It’s pretty clear to me you’re busy stalking people right now…but hey wanna talk anyway?” chat. Or as other people like to call it “Facebook Chat” This amusing go around twas with my childhood friend, Tanner. And … Continue reading

A List I Never Thought I’d Make, And You Never Thought You’d Read.

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April 2nd 2012 Sign here please. Cesar the messenger man was hovering over my desk with a mystery package. What was it I wonder? An edible arrangement from a secret admirer? The Mulan Gold Collectors Edition DVD I Fed-Exed overnight for an undisclosed amount of money, perhaps? Not. Quite. Cesar offered me the heavily taped … Continue reading